[Byleth listened quietly and studied the memories Claude offered him. Physically, Teach looked the same as him, mint-green hair and all. He even wore the same clothes - not even being a professor at Garreg Mach had changed that. But he wore his expressions easier. He looked more approachable, more human, more normal... the person Byleth wished he could be. But he didn't seem alien. He still seemed like a mercenary, and not some political powerhouse changing the trajectory of Fódlan's future.
His feelings were mixed - or, maybe it'd be more accurate to say that he wasn't sure how to feel? When he had first arrived in this world, he'd been repulsed by Teach - by the thought that out there was an idealised version of him that he struggled to match up to, that Claude and Dimitri expected from him, even if subconsciously. It wasn't as if those feelings have gone, but...
...it was a good template to work from, wasn't it? Byleth had moulded himself to be whatever Jeralt had wanted him to be, but that mould wasn't working here. The Root Chamber, how easily he had thrown himself at Sothis's feet, desperate for guidance, for someone to point and say 'this is what we will do'... in retrospect, it made him realise how weak he still was, how he hadn't grown at all since he made that declaration at the masquerade to be better. He had to stop just drifting with the waves and figure out who and what he needed to be, because the Byleth he'd been under Jeralt wasn't feasible here.
If this world was a trap as Sothis suspected, then it wasn't as simple as playing along until he managed to find a way back home to Jeralt. He'd have to be proactive, he'd have to be- he'd need to be someone like Teach, who helped Claude put an end to a multi-generational war between two nations.]
Do you think I should be more like him? If he aided you in crafting peace between Fódlan and Almyra, wouldn't he be more useful here?
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him here. Me and him, we can accomplish anything together.
[And not because he had the right sword, the blessing of the goddess, and the power of an entire continent behind him. Most of that was irrelevant here. More to the point...]
I was the idea guy, and he was the one who always helped set my plans into motion. We believed in each other.
It might sound trite, but... Many Shardbearers in Kenos? They don't believe in others, or any real common cause. They spend their time fighting desperately with each other, or arguing. I don't think many are thinking clearly about the future yet.
I don't think all of that description fits you, Byleth, but I do get the feeling you're aimless. You know what you want to do, sure, but how are you going to get there?
I don't know. Jeralt usually told me what the objectives were and how to carry them out, so this is... difficult, for me.
[Sure, there was usually some flex if Byleth needed to make split-second decisions on the battlefield, but Jeralt was who made the final decision. Jeralt decided if they advanced, if they retreated, which client they made a contract with, if they'd honour the contract, if they'd find a loophole to wriggle out of the contract, where they'd go, where they'd ride out the lean winters, which side they'd pick when war broke out...
It worked, in Byleth's Fódlan. He had no ambitions beyond Jeralt. He didn't even think he'd take over the company if Jeralt ever retired. He was passive, and there was security in that passiveness, because he knew there was always someone to turn to for guidance: Jeralt, and eventually Sothis. He never had to think about these things for himself... until he did.]
I can't tell you what to do. I'm your friend, not your commander. Even if it takes time, you need to take a long look at what you want. Otherwise, some bearded fellow with a big smile and some equally big promises is going to whisk you away to do his bidding.
[Is he talking about himself, or Cyrus...? Either way, he's sure Byleth will get the point.]
[Hence him asking about Teach for once... but he felt like he wasn't really any closer to an answer. With a template to model himself after, what was he meant to do?]
I'll have to find my own way, somehow.
[He huffed.]
Funny how I find that more daunting than any battlefield I've been on before.
[And he fought Shez! And giant machines! Which... he still didn't know where they had come from or how the dark mages constructed them, but that was still in his Top Five Weirdest Things I've Fought list.]
Just between you and me, I was terrified when I first staked my claim as my grandfather's heir. I had no idea what I was getting into, not really. But I did it anyway, because it was what I felt I needed to do.
I hope it's the same for you. That you'll find a path you'll do anything to walk, no matter how daunting it is. If anyone's capable of that kind of resolve, it's you.
You flatter me. I'm quite lacking in resolve, you know.
[When having to make his own long-term decisions, that is. Sothis always told him he was too cautious, too hesitant, and that he needed to be more decisive like her: "just act!" she would sigh, and get annoyed when Byleth would just shrug at her helplessly.]
It took me too long to confront you about your secretiveness, for example. I was worried I'd offend you and ruin things, so I made excuses and avoided it. In truth, I wasn't acting any better than you.
[Byleth had always been better at bluntly laying out his flaws and failures than directly discussing his emotions, as confusing as they could be, so he just focused on that instead. His flaw was his hesitation, and his failure was letting it dictate his behaviour, therefore he needed to improve his resolve and emotional fortitude... somehow.]
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leicesters) wrote2022-12-06 08:26 pm
no subject
His feelings were mixed - or, maybe it'd be more accurate to say that he wasn't sure how to feel? When he had first arrived in this world, he'd been repulsed by Teach - by the thought that out there was an idealised version of him that he struggled to match up to, that Claude and Dimitri expected from him, even if subconsciously. It wasn't as if those feelings have gone, but...
...it was a good template to work from, wasn't it? Byleth had moulded himself to be whatever Jeralt had wanted him to be, but that mould wasn't working here. The Root Chamber, how easily he had thrown himself at Sothis's feet, desperate for guidance, for someone to point and say 'this is what we will do'... in retrospect, it made him realise how weak he still was, how he hadn't grown at all since he made that declaration at the masquerade to be better. He had to stop just drifting with the waves and figure out who and what he needed to be, because the Byleth he'd been under Jeralt wasn't feasible here.
If this world was a trap as Sothis suspected, then it wasn't as simple as playing along until he managed to find a way back home to Jeralt. He'd have to be proactive, he'd have to be- he'd need to be someone like Teach, who helped Claude put an end to a multi-generational war between two nations.]
Do you think I should be more like him? If he aided you in crafting peace between Fódlan and Almyra, wouldn't he be more useful here?
no subject
[And not because he had the right sword, the blessing of the goddess, and the power of an entire continent behind him. Most of that was irrelevant here. More to the point...]
I was the idea guy, and he was the one who always helped set my plans into motion. We believed in each other.
It might sound trite, but... Many Shardbearers in Kenos? They don't believe in others, or any real common cause. They spend their time fighting desperately with each other, or arguing. I don't think many are thinking clearly about the future yet.
I don't think all of that description fits you, Byleth, but I do get the feeling you're aimless. You know what you want to do, sure, but how are you going to get there?
no subject
[Sure, there was usually some flex if Byleth needed to make split-second decisions on the battlefield, but Jeralt was who made the final decision. Jeralt decided if they advanced, if they retreated, which client they made a contract with, if they'd honour the contract, if they'd find a loophole to wriggle out of the contract, where they'd go, where they'd ride out the lean winters, which side they'd pick when war broke out...
It worked, in Byleth's Fódlan. He had no ambitions beyond Jeralt. He didn't even think he'd take over the company if Jeralt ever retired. He was passive, and there was security in that passiveness, because he knew there was always someone to turn to for guidance: Jeralt, and eventually Sothis. He never had to think about these things for himself... until he did.]
no subject
[Is he talking about himself, or Cyrus...? Either way, he's sure Byleth will get the point.]
no subject
[Hence him asking about Teach for once... but he felt like he wasn't really any closer to an answer. With a template to model himself after, what was he meant to do?]
I'll have to find my own way, somehow.
[He huffed.]
Funny how I find that more daunting than any battlefield I've been on before.
[And he fought Shez! And giant machines! Which... he still didn't know where they had come from or how the dark mages constructed them, but that was still in his Top Five Weirdest Things I've Fought list.]
no subject
I hope it's the same for you. That you'll find a path you'll do anything to walk, no matter how daunting it is. If anyone's capable of that kind of resolve, it's you.
no subject
[When having to make his own long-term decisions, that is. Sothis always told him he was too cautious, too hesitant, and that he needed to be more decisive like her: "just act!" she would sigh, and get annoyed when Byleth would just shrug at her helplessly.]
It took me too long to confront you about your secretiveness, for example. I was worried I'd offend you and ruin things, so I made excuses and avoided it. In truth, I wasn't acting any better than you.
[Byleth had always been better at bluntly laying out his flaws and failures than directly discussing his emotions, as confusing as they could be, so he just focused on that instead. His flaw was his hesitation, and his failure was letting it dictate his behaviour, therefore he needed to improve his resolve and emotional fortitude... somehow.]